WASHINGTON, D.C. (October 28, 2026) - Halloween is so very different from other popular holidays, and in many ways a kind of celebration of lawyers and what they do, suggests public interest law professor John Banzhaf.

Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa all involve the giving of gifts to loved ones, and stress peace on Earth. Easter celebrates the rebirth of spring, and playful childish fantasies about rabbits and chicks. And Thanksgiving reminds us how wonderful it is that different races and cultures can cooperate and celebrate together.

But in stark and dramatic contrast, Halloween venerates if not worships the dead and the undead: witches symbolized by ancient crones who eat children, zombies who rise from moldering graves to feast on all of us, and especially vampires who suck out our blood while keeping us alive as long as possible in order to keep satisfying their greed.

But many people with experiences dealing with lawyers would argue that this description of bloodsucking vampires applies equally well to many members of the legal profession, suggests Banzhaf, perhaps only partly tongue in cheek.

And he's not the only one to see and point out this connection between Halloween and lawyers:
BOOK - Lawyers and Vampires: Cultural Histories of Legal Professions
BOOK - Lawyers and Vampires
OKLAHOMA BAR ASSN - Avoiding Legal Vampires: Lessons From Dracula
The Bloodsuckers: Vampire Lawyers of Middle Tennessee
What Should Lawyers Do about Vampires, Werewolves, and Witches?

For example, on Halloween night, children dress up in all manner of frightening disguises and go to homes demanding "TRICK OR TREAT."

In other words, we begin teaching them at a very early age to use deceit, deception, trickery, and cunning, as well as threats, fear, coercion, intimidation, and extortion, to take what they want from others.

Yes, that's how, some might say, we teach our children at an early age how to act just like many lawyers who also use threatening and often misleading lawyers' demand letters, and threats of terrible but unlikely lawsuits, etc. to extract money from their helpless victims.

By the way, the AboveTheLaw website once suggested: "Isn't just being a lawyer scary enough?" Another suggestion on the same lawyer website reported: "Career Alternatives for Attorneys: Vampire?"

Turning the tables, the "Voice of Washington's Legal Community" posted an article entitled "How to Terrify a Lawyer for Halloween." AboveTheLaw is also currently featuring a contest about "The Best Way to Scare a Lawyer."

Still another way to turn the tables is 19 Halloween Costumes That Will Terrify Lawyers in 2026

And, probably without noting the irony, another lawyer website suggested how attorneys can obtain maximum advantage, and make even more money, from this scary holiday:

"Criminal defense and personal injury lawyers alike can remind Halloween party hosts about local social host laws, which could make the host liable if a partygoer is injured at the party or if a partygoer is involved in a drunk driving incident after leaving the party."

Another attorney website - in a posting entitled "How Lawyers Can Use Halloween to Get New Business" - sees Halloween as another wonderful source of income for lawyers:

"Egging property, toilet papering homes, and other tried and true childhood pranks might seem like old-fashioned fun, but they can easily turn into crimes that land kids in juvenile court" - or, it might suggest, lawyers can be hired to seek damages, and those who celebrated Halloween in this traditional fashion will then have to hire other lawyers to defend themselves or their children.

In the same spirit of capitalizing on a holiday about fear and intimidation to make even more money, an article entitled "Top 10 Halloween Marketing Ideas for Law Firms" reminds everyone that "so many law firms miss opportunities to capitalize on current events. The public views lawyers with mistrust. Dressing in costume, posting on social media about Halloween and other holidays humanizes us" - as if that were even possible, remarks Banzhaf!

Lawyers eager to capitalize on this ghoulish holiday can check out The Attorney Marketing Center Earn More. Work Less. Halloween Attorney Marketing Ideas which advises "This is a night for the children and you’re interrupting their fun with your commercial. You’re a weirdo. But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea to pass out items with your contact information printed on them."

Moreover, since Halloween, a true lawyer holiday, is so widely celebrated, there probably is little need for the largely unknown International Be Kind to Lawyers Day which is celebrated on the second Tuesday of April.

Professor Banzhaf also notes some jokes about attorneys in tune with this lawyer holiday of Halloween:
Q: If a vampire bites a lawyer, is it cannibalism? A: Only if he swallows.
Q: Why will vampires never suck a lawyer's blood? A1: Even vampires have standards. A2: Professional courtesy.
Q: What's the difference between a vampire and a lawyer? A: You can kill the vampire by stabbing a wooden stake through his heart, but a lawyer doesn't have a heart which you can stab.
Q: If on Halloween costumed male lawyers wear neckties to keep their foreskins from creeping up, what do female attorneys wear on Halloween?
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A1: Vampires suck blood, but only at night. A2: Vampires need an invitation to enter.
Q: What would happen if you lock a zombie in a room full of lawyers? A: He would not be able to feast.
Q: What’s the difference between a vampire and a lawyer? A: One is an evil creature, in league with the devil, who preys upon the souls of the living, while the other is only mythical.
Q: What do a lawyer, a prostitute, and a vampire all have in common. A: They will all suck you dry eventually.
Q: What's the difference between a zombie and a lawyer? A: Zombies don't suck blood.
Q: What's that difference between a vampire and a lawyer? One goes for the jugular, and the other goes . . . well, there isn't one.
Q: When zombies need a lawyer, what do they look for? A: Zombies look for someone with grave experience.
Q: Why do we need law professors? A: Those not clever enough to get their own blood to drink claim to teach their law students how to do it.
Q: If lawyers are vampires, can you defeat them with garlic? A: No, it may improve their smell somewhat, but not completely hide their stench.

And because Frankenstein's monster, whose brain was once in a jar, is a staple of Halloween, and truth can be stranger than fiction, here's a relevant transcript from an actual court proceeding.
BOOK - Disorder in the American Courts. Actual Quotes, Word for Word, From Real Court Proceedings!
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

JOHN F. BANZHAF III, B.S.E.E., J.D., Sc.D.
Professor of Public Interest Law
George Washington University Law School
"The Man Behind the Ban on Cigarette Commercials"
FAMRI Dr. William Cahan Distinguished Professor
Fellow, World Technology Network
Founder, Action on Smoking and Health (ASH)
Inventor of the "Banzhaf Index"
(202) 994-7229 // (703) 527-8418
http://banzhaf.net/ jbanzhaf3ATgmail.com @profbanzhaf